As I mentioned before in other parts of my blog, in my spare time, I am an informal shadchan (matchmaker). I am not part of any type of shidduch organization or website, I’m just a regular girl who has a knack for setting people up and have been doing it since I was 20.
So far, I have made two successful marriages; one couple live in Montreal with two cute kids and the other just got married this past winter. People come to me solely through word-of-mouth and I also meet with a group of women in my community once a month where we throw around names and try to help expand our shidduch networks.
I am happy to try and help any Jewish singles who are looking to get married, but before you send me your resume, there are a couple of points I should first make clear.
1. Although I receive a lot of resumes and meet with many people, I don’t set people up all that often because I am a firm believer in not wasting people’s time. I will only set you up if I really feel it is worth it for you to go out with a particular individual. I do not set people up just to have a fun date.
2. I usually only set people up whom I meet with in person. Part of my process of making a match is first evaluating a person’s behaviour and mannerisms in order to observe who I feel he or she would click with well. Having said that, feel free to send me your shidduch resume even if you will not be visiting Toronto any time soon. You never know what ideas may pop into my brain.
3. There are some singles who call or meet with me who I will not set up. This is because I am able to tell from our conversations that they:
a) Have poor middos (character traits) or are impolite.
b) Have an issue that needs to be addressed before they are ready to date.
c) Are not really serious about getting married.
4. I am not an advocate for short courtships. Although there are exceptions, I encourage all baalei teshuvos, gerim (converts) and older singles to date for a minimum of six months before getting engaged. Just to back this point up, there are some very prominent Rabbeim who hold by this opinion. The reason I hold this way is because I have observed so many couples who are experiencing difficulties in their marriages or who are divorced or in the process of divorcing, simply because they didn’t know each other well enough when they got engaged. It is true that you can’t really know someone until you live with him or her, but it is still important to take time to get to know each other as well as you can while still maintaining an appropriate relationship. This advice applies especially to baalei teshuvos and gerim because of the wide variety of backgrounds we come from. This, however, does not mean that I believe in dragging out a courtship for longer than necessary. As a general rule, one should not get engaged while there is still new information being revealed.
5. Did I mention I’m good at this?
If you are single and are serious about getting married, feel free to send me your shidduch resume at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I will try my best to help you find your zivug!